


Illicit Affairs

by infundibulum



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Lesbian Casey Novak, Light Angst, Oblivious Alex, Smut, a bit of plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:06:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infundibulum/pseuds/infundibulum
Summary: Alex and Casey are sharing SVU cases, and they get together every week to make work a little less dreadful. This marks the beginning of their friendship, soon to be something they don't quite understand.Set on season 13. Mostly canon-based except for the whole Charlie thing with Casey.
Relationships: Alexandra Cabot/Casey Novak
Comments: 21
Kudos: 32





	1. Delicate

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is my first fic so hope you enjoy :) I actually dreamt the first chapter a while ago and wrote it at like the beginning of quarantine. I had trouble coming up with a title so I turned to Taylor Swift for inspiration.

Casey yawned, followed closely by Alex. They were discussing their newest case in which an 8-year-old girl had been found dead in an alley, with signs of rape and severe beating. The detectives had presented them with little evidence and the ADAs needed a good strategy to put the perp away. They were sure that the guy Olivia had caught was guilty, but they didn’t know if the evidence was enough to convince the jury as well.

“Tired much?” Alex asked.

“Yep” Casey answered. “I think I better leave now if I want to get some sleep before arraignment tomorrow”

It was almost midnight on a Sunday, and they were in Alex’s apartment. They had this arrangement in which they would take turns in each other’s place because it was more comfortable to work at home on the couch eating take-out rather that in the DA’s office. They had been doing it ever since Casey came back from suspension and they’d started sharing the SVU cases. Sometimes they worked as co-chairs, and this was one of those times.

“don’t be silly, it’s quarter to 12, you can’t walk around Manhattan this late, Olivia would kill you and then have my ass for letting you leave. C’mon, stay, I’ll take the couch” Alex insisted. She had a good point, but Casey didn’t want to bother her, and plus they weren’t exactly best friends. I mean, they were fond of each other, they got along fine but they still didn’t trust the other completely.

Casey thought about it for a couple of seconds but finally she agreed, mainly because she was too tired to walk back to her place and she didn’t feel like taking a cab.

“Fine, but _I’ll_ take the couch, I’m not gonna let you sleep on the couch in your own house”

“you’re my guest Casey, I’m not gonna let **you** sleep on the couch”

“then we don’t sleep” Casey laughed.

Alex faced palmed. “you’re hilarious. I guess we can compromise right?”

“sure we can Counselor, I’ll make you a deal: I take the couch and we can stop arguing” Casey said playfully with a smirk on her face.

“yeah, that’s not gonna work for me. How about neither of us sleeps on the couch? I have a king size bed, we can share… if you don’t mind of course” Alex rubbed the back of her neck with her hand.

Casey looked at her, confusion on her mind. On the one hand, she didn’t mind sharing a bed with Alex, but… it was kind of weird.

“OK, I don’t mind” the red headed ended up saying, mainly because she knew there was no way they would agree on who took the couch otherwise.

* * *

They laid in bed in an awkward silence, both staring at the ceiling. Casey and Alex had talked briefly once about insomnia and how they both suffered from it. The red head always took more than an hour to drift off, even if she felt extremely tired like in that very moment. She knew Alex was awake too and Casey felt the need to think of something to say to fill the room.

“I can’t remember the last time I shared a bed” Casey blurted out. She immediately went red and shut her eyes with embarrassment, damning her loose tongue. Alex looked at her, but Casey didn’t realize because she kept her eyes closed. “sorry, that came totally out of nowhere” she said in an attempt to make things less awkward, though she doubted it would help at all.

Alex let out a small laugh. “Hey, don’t worry, I can’t honestly say I don’t identify with that statement. The job doesn’t make it easy to, you know… have any kind of social life”. Alex laughed but the weight of her words was anything but funny for both parties.

“yeah, it sucks. I remember I had a conversation with Olivia about this when I worked my first case for SVU. She said you only get two reactions on dates, either they act extremely interested in what you do and want to know every twisted detail, or they run. I sadly discover the truth in that, not that I had many dates anyway”

There was a short silence while Alex thought of what to say next.

“I agree with Liv. Though I really just miss one-night stands; dates are too serious, I don’t have time for that. But you know, a night at a bar, a guy approaches you, you dance a little while and then take off to fuck…” Alex groaned. “it’s been a while”. Even though she had paused after Casey’s speech to think of what to say, she had got that confession out of nowhere. The co-workers had never discussed sex nor had they been planning to.

Casey stared blankly at Alex before she started laughing.

“I never thought I’d live to hear Alexandra Cabot say ‘fuck’” she said, still laughing, as Alex joined her.

“OK, I know, it’s a bit anticlimactic for me, but I am human, even if I don’t act like one most of the times” the blonde said jokingly. “plus, I don’t like the other words for it”

“hmm… so you don’t like _making love-”_ Casey started to mess with her, but Alex interrupted her.

“DON’T! that’s like the worst one, it makes me cringe just to hear it”

Casey laughed “yeah I agree, it sounds so cheesy”

“we should go to a bar” Alex thought out loud.

“what? Like NOW?” Casey stared at her, surprised.

“no, no, not now, I’m too tired. I mean someday”

“I’m not the biggest fan of bars…”

“yeah but it might be fun; we can, you know, support each other”

“Alex, we’re kinda old for that shit”

“ouch” Alex pretended to be hurt but in reality, Casey was right. “so how did you pick up someone?” she questioned the red head.

“picture this” Casey acted dramatically. “I’m at a Starbucks, I make my order, sit at the bar… then across the room from me I make eye contact with this **beautiful** … guy”

“a beautiful guy? You’re weird Novak”

Casey continued, ignoring Alex´s remark. “and we make eye contact. And the rest is history”

“what the fuck Casey, do you have some kind of magical powers you might want to share with me?”

Casey shook her head. “I’m kidding, it only happened once while I was in law school”

“it sounds like the very beginning of a rom-com”

“it felt like one too”

“Did you actually go on to have a relationship or did it die there?”

“we had a relationship. It ended badly; I don’t feel like talking about it now”

“oh… I’m sorry I asked”

“it’s okay, I was actually the one to bring it up”

There was another awkward silence, this one longer than the last. Both women were still looking at the ceiling.

Casey sighed. “to be honest, I’m pretty content with my life, it’s not like there’s this huge part of it missing. I kind of figured I would end up single since before I was censured, and it’s OK. Do I miss the kisses, the cuddles, and the sex? Of course, but I can live without it”

Alex nodded, more to assimilate what she had just heard than as an answer to Casey, who wasn’t even looking at her.

“I am too, I guess. I’m not the serious relationship kind of woman, never was, so I definitely know I’m not getting married”.

“afraid of commitment, Cabot?” Casey joked.

Alex shook her head. “nah, just not my thing”. Casey nodded.

“let’s go to a bar next week. Seriously, maybe it won’t work out but at least we can go out and have fun” Alex tried to convince Casey.

Casey frowned. “okay” she sighed.

* * *

Arraignments next Friday went well, though they were not able to get remand which was what they wanted. Nevertheless, bail was set extremely high for the perp’s income so he would likely remain in Rikers during the trial.

In the afternoon Alex went by Casey’s office to see if they were still on for the evening, and they made plans to meet at Alex’s place and take a cab to the nearest bar. They would have driven there but they agreed not to, so they had the liquid courage, were it necessary.

At 9pm that evening Casey knocked on Alex’s door and they took a cab to the bar. They ordered some shots to loosen up and burned their throats with them. Bad idea. Then they settled for peach Daiquiris and sat at the bar, making small talk.

“it’s been so long since I had shots, I got to admit I almost spit it out” Alex laughed.

“well I’m glad you didn’t because we would have had to go to another bar after that embarrassment” Casey half-joked.

“hey, two guys coming our way!” Alex whispered as she nudged Casey’s ribs. The red head rolled her eyes but otherwise did not flinch. "you could show a little enthusiasm, you know"

“has it really been that long since you had sex?” the red head asked.

“did you have sex _today_? You haven’t even looked at them” Alex retorted.

Casey looked in the direction of the two gentlemen who were coming to greet them and made her best effort to hide a frown. Both of them were tall, and they were wearing suits. Casey was impressed at how good looking they were. ‘ _I guess we are lucky’_ she said to herself.

“hi! I’m Mark and this is my friend George” the blonde one said. George smiled and said hi. They talked for about ten minutes with the girls, asking regular first-date questions. Mark and George worked in economics, and they actually seemed very sweet.

The guys asked them to dance. Casey struggled to agree but Alex ended up convincing her, so they went down to the dance floor. They danced for a bit and eventually both groups separated, Alex diverting to George and Casey to Mark.

Although they were pretty close to each other, there was a clear distance between Casey and Alex, each one with their respective dance partner.

* * *

Casey looked over at Alex’s direction. The blonde seemed to be having fun, dancing close to George. Casey on the other hand was suffering. She knew she las leading Mark on and she felt terrible about it, but she didn’t feel she could do anything about it. Alex was having fun; she wouldn’t dare spoil that.

All of that was before Mark started getting closer and pushing his pelvis against Casey’s, which the red head didn’t like and kept trying to get away from. Apparently, her legs had stopped working or something like that because she couldn’t seem to keep a respectable distance between her and Mark.

“hey, I think I’m gonna get a drink, I’m kinda thirsty” Casey said. Mark, instead of letting her go, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her inches apart from him. Casey froze and, because she lost the words to object, Mark leaned over and kissed her. It wasn’t any kind of sex crime, it was OK for a random dude at a bar, but for obvious reasons Casey felt troubled about it, so she pulled away immediately.

She stood there looking at the guy, confused, not knowing how to feel, and suddenly her muscles began working again and she ran to the restroom. Mark tried to stop her, but she just mumbled “I have to go”.

She felt like a teenager again. It was stupid, really. She got to the bathroom, feeling sick, and started having palpitations and trouble breathing. _‘this CANNOT be happening now’_ she cursed. She placed her hands over the counter and looked in the mirror, trying to talk herself out of a creeping panic attack while doing her best to control her breathing.

What she didn’t know what that Alex had seen her run to the restrooms, and the blonde dismissed George to follow Casey.

Alex opened the restroom door and found Casey in the verge of having a panic attack.

“Casey, what’s wrong??” she asked worriedly. Casey startled because she hadn’t heard the door open and turned around, not looking at the blonde in the eyes.

“Alex, it’s nothing” she lied. She didn’t feel like explaining herself yet. “where’s George?” she tried to play it cool, after all the blonde didn’t need to know _that much_ about her life.

“oh, I left him” she dismissed the subject. “why did you run here?”

“I just needed some air. I think I’m gonna head home, I’m tired” Casey did her best not to heave while saying that sentence. She spoke like she had just ran a marathon “see you Monday Alex”.

Just as Casey was opening the door to leave, Alex grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back into the room. “Wait, what the heck is going on? Casey are you okay?” the blonde looked alarmed watching her co-worker, she could tell something was wrong.

“I-“ Casey managed before she took a big breath of air.

Instead of asking a bunch of questions, Alex acted quickly. “come here” she said as she grabbed Casey’s arm and pulled her out of the bathroom, through the crowd and into the sidewalk. They sat in a bench right outside the bar.

“just give me a minute” Casey asked. Alex nodded, still not fully aware of what was going on.

They sat there quietly as Casey’s breathing returned to a normal speed, which took about 5 minutes.

“I’m OK now, thank you. I think you should head back into the bar, I’m gonna walk home” Casey finally spoke as she stood up.

“Casey, wait, I’m not gonna do that. Let’s head back to my place which is closer, and you can sleep there if you like”

“no Alex, this was your night, you should take George back to your place”

“I don’t really like him anyways. I mean, he’s hot, but our talk was extremely boring. C’mon, let’s go” she extended a hand to Casey and the latter took it hesitantly.

.

The cab ride back to Alex’s was silent. When they arrived, they paid the cabbie and headed upstairs.

“you can take a shower if you’d like” Alex said as she opened the door.

Casey offered her a weak smile. “thank you, a shower would be great”.

Alex gave the red head a fresh towel and sat on the couch with CNN on TV while Casey showered.

Casey came out of the bathroom drying her hair and sat next to Alex, who looked at her and gave her a genuine smile.

“I’ll take the couch” Alex said as she stood up.

“DON’T start this game again Cabot, we know how it ends” Casey said playfully. It seemed the shower had gotten her back to normal,

“FINE, I tried Novak”, Alex answered using the same tone as her co-worker.

* * *

They laid in bed just like last weekend, both looking at the ceiling, this time in more of a comfortable silence.

“Casey…” Alex started. “what happened back there? We don’t have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m just kind of worried and would like some sort of confirmation that you’re fine”

Casey sighed “I’m fine Alex. It was stupid, I shouldn’t have made such a big dead of it. I’m never like this”

“a big deal of what?” Alex asked.

It took a few seconds for Casey to start but finally she decided to tell her co-worker. She was starting to trust her a little more.

“I kind of hesitated through the whole thing. When the guys came to talk to us, I wasn’t interest, but I wanted you to have a good time, so I went along with it. Then they separated us, I went one way and you went the other, and I didn’t like where it was going but then again, I went along with it. Mark began getting a little… touchy, and I tried to get away several times but I couldn’t seem to get him to stop… pushing himself into me, let’s say” she made a little pause and looked at Alex, who was listening to her thoroughly and nodded for Casey to continue. “I seemed to have frozen, I couldn’t move, until I came up with the excuse to go get a drink. I just wanted him to leave me alone and get away from me, but when I turned around to leave, he grabbed me and pulled me closer to him and...” another pause to pull herself together. She sighed. “he kissed me. And I just stood there looking at him, perplexed and when I felt I could move again y ran to the restrooms, and kinda had a moment of anxiety which was what you saw”

Alex looked at her, still not speaking because she wanted to make sure Casey didn’t have anything left to say. When the blonde realized the woman beside her had finished talking, she spoke.

“Casey, did you feel violated?” Alex threaded as carefully as she could while still asking a direct question. They both worked at sex crimes, they knew that situation all too well.

Casey shook her head while looking her in the eyes. “no, it’s not his fault, he couldn’t have known-”. Just as she said the words, she regretted them. She closed her mouth.

“couldn’t have known what?” Alex asked her, confused, searching for the answer in green eyes.

Casey diverted her eyes to everywhere else but Alex.

“Alex, I… I don’t like guys” Casey confessed, and finally looked towards the blonde again. Alex gave her a blank stare, and Casey wished the blonde weren’t going to kick her out of her apartment. The only emotion those blue eyes let see was confusion.

“I don’t understand, yesterday when we had that conversation you talked about dates with guys”

“well, clearly I lied” Casey scoffed in a sarcastic tone, but when she looked at Alex, she realized she was reading her wrong. “look Alex, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you; I just haven’t had the best experiences coming out to people, that’s all”

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I imagine it can’t be easy. Does anyone at work know?” Alex asked.

Casey let out a small laugh. “no, I don’t talk about my sex life at work. I know there’s people who feel the need to tell others about their sexualities, I’m simply not one of them. In fact, the less people know, the better”.

“why?” Alex wondered.

Casey shrugged. “it’s none of their business and it can be used against me”.

The blonde looked at the woman beside her with a saddened look. There was a silence while Alex thought of what to say next. She had a lot of questions.

“what do you mean you haven’t had the best experiences coming out? Do you mean your parents?” she finally asked.

“I mean many people in my life” she sighed. “my parents… it was complicated. They’re super Catholic, you know, so of course they didn’t take it well, they took it just as bad as I did when _I_ figured it out” Casey admitted. She looked over at Alex. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m even saying all these things, I guess I never really spoke about it before. Anyways, my parents barely speak to me now. They still invite me over for the holidays but otherwise, not really”.

Alex looked at her again, with the same sad expression on her face. The blonde knew about the challenges of coming out, specially from working SVU cases, but seeing it so close with her co-worker was troubling her.

“Who else was hard to tell?” Alex asked without thinking. “I’m sorry I keep asking, you can stop answering whenever you want, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”.

Casey shook her head. “it’s okay Alex, I know. I’ll stop if I want to, don’t worry about me”. She paused to think of an answer to Alex’s question, biting her lower lip. “I had this best friend all throughout school, Diana; we trusted each other like I’ve probably never trusted anyone else. We were so comfortable with each other, in every way possible. Once, when I was seventeen, we were having a sleepover at my house and I told her I liked girls. She was immediately uncomfortable with it. She asked me if I liked her, to which I of course answered **no** because it was the truth. I honestly didn’t like her, I had never thought about her that way, she was practically my sister. Anyways, she didn’t believe me and called her mom to pick her up. I cried for days, and we were apart for what felt like decades, but it was about a month later that she apologized to me and told me she’d try to be okay with it because she still wanted to be my friend. I welcomed her with open arms, and felt like we had gone back to normal, but we hadn’t; she was uncomfortable with me, and was hesitant when I showed any kind of affection. Once at a sleepover she refused to sleep with me, demanding a bed of her own, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I asked her to leave and to come back if she ever stopped being an ass. She didn’t come back”

Casey finished talking with a lump on her throat. She had gotten over that ordeal but had never really talked about it that much. Telling Alex took her back to that time. Alex looked at her, though she could barely see in the dark, and stayed silent. She somehow had a feeling the red head had more to say.

“then I went to college and I found a girl I liked _a lot._ I befriended her and developed feelings for her. Some months into our friendship I told her about my sexuality, and she said…” Casey had to pause for a little bit. She sighed. “she said that she was okay with it _as long as I didn’t like her that way_. It fucking broke my heart, if someone ever comes out to you don’t say that. It’s like, if you don’t like them it’s awful because they’re assuming you might, only because they’re the same sex. And if you do like them it’s even worse because it now means they aren’t okay with your sexuality. It fucking sucks”.

“Casey… that’s horrible, you didn’t deserve to have those experiences, you deserve full acceptance. That’s what everyone in your situation deserves” Alex spoke softly.

Casey smiled weakly. “thanks Alex”

“here” Alex said, extending an open hand for the red head to hold. Casey hesitated for a minute but held Alex’s hand at last. The blonde squeezed it softly, showing support. A smile formed in Casey’s lips: she had been so scared to have this conversation with anyone and this one seemed to have gone well for once. She let out the air she didn’t know she was holding and relaxed. After a minute she let go of Alex’s hand.

“are you okay? Sorry for making you relive that” Alex apologized.

“yeah, I’m okay, I’m glad I told you. Even if it doesn’t always go the way I want it to, I am generally relieved when I talk about it, like a weight has been lifted off me” Casey admitted, and made Alex smile. “Plus, it says a lot about a person, how they react to that. After all, people who don’t accept me for who I am are better lost than found”

“Exactly” Alex said still smiling. She paused before asking another question. “how did you know?”. Casey looked at her confused, asking Alex to elaborate the question. “I mean, how did you know you liked girls and not guys?” the blonde repeated.

“ahh” Casey exclaimed, letting Alex know she understood what she was asking. “I am not gonna say the typical ‘I always knew’ because that’s the farthest from the truth” they both smiled. “from a young age I thought liking a boy was thinking he was cute, which honestly it probably is all it is at that age. I knew sexuality doesn’t quite develop until puberty, so I thought I liked boys because I did always find a cute boy in my classroom. Meanwhile, I also found a cute girl generally, but I thought I wanted to be her friend or was just jealous of her because she was pretty and all the boys liked her. So yeah, I lived all through primary school thinking I was relatively normal sexuality-wise. I also didn’t know it was a thing to like the same gender, I had never been taught that. Once, I was twelve or thirteen and I was walking with my mom from school and I saw two girls kissing, so I asked my mom about it and she told me about homosexuality. She didn’t say much, after all she didn’t know too much herself, she just told me some people liked the same gender. Weirdly she left out the part where it was a sin in God’s eyes. Anyways, I didn’t think much of it because my stupid kid brain, back then, saw two butch women kissing and immediately assumed there was more to homosexuality than liking the same gender. I looked at the pink dress I was wearing and dismissed it as soon as it crossed my mind. Then, when I was fourteen, a group of my classmates was playing spin the bottle at school- I know, how lame” Alex laughed. “-and a girl said that _of course_ girls could only kiss guys and guys could only kiss girls because otherwise it was DISGUSTING. Those were the exact words she used; I’ll never forget it. And everyone seemed to agree with her. I was confused because I obviously didn’t find it gross to kiss girls, I actually preferred it to most of my guy classmates. That was a big ass clue, I guess. Then I figured out all the girls I had _wanted to befriend_ or _was jealous of_ were in fact crushes of mine. And that’s how I knew”.

“wow” Alex exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were this interesting, Novak” she joked.

“it’s not that interesting” Casey laughed.

“your head must have exploded when you realized those were crushes and not jealousy”

“yes, it did explode. When it hit me, I was like _okay, I finally cracked the code on why I’m the way I am”_

Alex laughed yet again.

“can I ask you something else?” the blonde asked.

“I feel like I’m the subject to a cross-examination but sure, why not” and before Alex could talk again, Casey added “BUT, I’m giving too much away, you’re gonna have to give **me** something once we’re done with the topic of ‘Casey’s sexuality’”.

“fine, we’ll talk about me soon enough, I’m just not that interesting so I might be a bit of a disappointment” Alex caved.

“everybody’s interesting” Casey retorted.

“you always have to have a fucking comeback, Novak” the red head laughed at that true statement. “so, my question: have you ever kissed a… _male_?” Casey laughed even more at the use of the word ‘male’.

“yes, I have, plenty of times. I guess I didn’t give up on men until fairly recently. I always thought that we don’t fall in love with bodies, but with the mind inside them, so with that logic I could fall in love with a man. I realized a couple of years ago that, for me, to fall in love had an element of sexual attraction which I could not have with men so it’s impossible for me to fall in love with one. I mean, never say never, but I’m very sure. The last time I kissed a man was a while ago, before I started working SVU cases. Not counting Mark. I don’t know why I freaked out back at the bar”

“I get what you say about falling in love, and I think you’re right that it does, for most people at least, have an element of sexual attraction which cannot be ignored. Because otherwise, if you think about it, personality traits are not exclusive to one gender, there could be two people with the exact same personality but you will only be able to fall in love with the woman and I will only be able to fall in love with the man” Alex said, thinking out loud.

“exactly, I’m glad you have the same view as me on the topic. I find it very interesting”.

“it is. I never thought about it, I suppose people who have doubted their sexuality have to think about it” the blonde said. “so, is there any difference between kissing a man and a woman?”

“are you ever going to stop with the questions? We’ll never sleep if you just keep asking, Alex” Casey complained.

“I’m sorry! Just answer this one and then you’re free” Alex apologized. She knew she was being too curious, but she was extremely interested in the red head’s life.

“I’m just glad you didn’t ask for remand for once, Cabot” Casey joked. “and yes, it is very different. Men are less soft, and generally rough and secure when they kiss you, like they dominate you. It sounds wrong but it’s not like that, many people like it that way. Maybe I’m generalizing but that’s at least my experience with it. Women have soft lips, soft cheeks, soft everything, and they tend to be soft when they kiss you too, although they can be confident and kind of dominate you too. I can’t complain with either”

“well, when you put it like that kissing a woman does sound like a dream, especially for me, I HATE kissing men with beard” Alex added, making emphasis in the word ‘hate’.

Casey laughed. “yeah, it’s awful, I don’t know how you straight girls put up with it” she joked. Alex joined in the laughter fit.

They went silent for a moment, trying to catch a breath. Bare in mind the alcohol in their blood hadn’t completely washed away yet.

“have you ever imagined what it would feel like to have beard?” Casey wondered, and the sole thought of it made Alex cringe.

She groaned. “imagine, I can’t even stand pubic hair, imagine pubic hair in the face!” the blonde exclaimed, probably a little too loud.

“woah, we’ve gotten the first Cabot confession everybody, Alexandra Cabot _can’t even stand pubic hair”_ Casey teased her, and Alex kneaded her in the ribs, causing the red head to hit her back.

When they finally stopped laughing Alex spoke. “okay, and with that I allow you Miss Novak to sleep if you wish”.

“am I supposed to thank you? Because of you, now I am allowing myself to stay in bed for as long as I want tomorrow”.

“whatever Novak, I’m staying in bed too”.

Casey sighed. “hey, Alex” she called. The blonde hummed as an answer. “I’ve been told sometimes, when I get comfortable with someone, I get flirty. I don’t see it honestly, but I guess it’s just the way I am. Maybe it’s not even true but it’s ruined stuff for me before, so if it ever makes you uncomfortable, just tell me. I seriously don’t mean it that way, _ever._ I suck at flirting when I try.”

Alex laughed “I’m kind of the same there, Novak. Except, I am very good at it”.

Casey groaned and rolled her eyes. And with that, they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

That night had been interesting for both women. For Casey, it was opening up to someone, being honest; even though she feared in the back of her mind that as soon as she was out Alex was gonna ask her to leave, she truly felt the need to let it all out and was glad the blonde received it well and even asked questions. It was a conversation Casey had never had with anyone before. And for Alex, it was interesting because it was new, and she felt a little weird about it. Not weird in a homophobic kind of way, not at all, it’s just that she hadn’t met someone gay who was that close to her before. Moreover, she felt extremely flattered to listen to Casey talk openly about a topic that really mattered to her, like the red head trusted the blonde enough.

* * *

That was the beginning of a friendship for the attorneys. After that night, they started feeling more comfortable around each other, often doing some activities outside of the office, just for fun. Alex realized that whoever had pointed out to Casey that she flirted when she earned trust in someone, had been absolutely right, but the blonde just followed her lead. They teased each other a lot, in fact calling the other by her last name seemed to be the sign for it, and they both appeared okay with it. Alex didn’t tell Casey that she was doing it, she just let her be. After all, they cracked up every time, they understood each other.

Their dynamic lasted for about three months after the night at the bar, but suddenly Alex began feeling weird by the whole ordeal.


	2. Champagne Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey has a trauma about her friends leaving her :(

It was another late night of discussing cases in Alex’s apartment. They had to admit their arrangement was far from practical by now: the women often wondered to other topics, or got distracted doing anything else, the most common one being watching TV or listening to music and inevitably singing to the tunes. But in that moment, they were very focused working. Well, at least Alex was.

“hey, I’m hungry, can we make something to eat?” Casey voiced, almost begging.

“Casey, you know I can’t cook, so unless by _we_ you mean _you_ cook and I annoy the crap out of you, I’m not in” Alex teased the red head.

“I mean I cook, of course. What do you want?”

“It’s 1am” Alex pointed out. “So I guess… whatever you want”.

“Fine, do you happen to have all the ingredients to make brownies?” Casey asked. The blonde stared blankly at her. “Don’t judge me, Cabot, I have a sweet tooth and I regret nothing”.

Alex laughed. “I’m not judging you, I just have no fucking idea how to make brownies or the stuff you need for them, but by all means, check my pantry. I hope I have everything though; you’ve tempted me already”

Casey obliged and opened Alex’s pantry. The inside of it was underwhelming, but she was happy to find that the blonde indeed had all the ingredients. Alex smiled when she told her, looking forward to some fudgy goodness to feed their tired brains. So, Casey set herself in the kitchen and began baking.

“come join me, or I’m not sharing” Casey called her. “I can’t believe you have a Kitchen Aid, have you ever even used it?”

“No” Alex blushed with a hint of embarrassment. “do you have one?”

“I wish” Casey answered while cracking the eggs in the mixing bowl.

“you can have it if you want it, it’s not like I’ll ever use it. Or I can keep it so you have to come here to bake. I have a sweet tooth too” Alex smirked.

Casey laughed. “Maybe I’ll come more often, then” Casey smiled as well.

Casey set the Kitchen Aid as Alex sat in the kitchen island with her laptop, both of them talking about random things.

“do you want to open a bottle of wine?” Alex offered.

“why do you even ask at this point?”

A few minutes had passed, the brownies already in the oven, but they were still in their previous position, Alex sat in the island and Casey stood up with her lower back against the marble of the counter. They had been quiet for a bit, sipping on their second glass of wine, until Alex laughed.

“what’s so funny?” the younger attorney asked, with a confused yet amused look in her face.

“come see this” the blonde signed with her hand for Casey to approach her. The red head stood behind Alex, leaning over the blonde’s shoulder, making it so their faces were only inches apart. Alex tensed up a bit, looking over at Casey inevitably, but quickly snapped out of it hoping that her co-worker hadn’t noticed. Fortunately for Alex, Casey was too focused on the screen.

“you laughed at an Instagram video of cops dancing?? Alex, I think I may have pulled you a couple of steps down from your pedestal” Casey teased, making sure she spoke in a way Alex understood she was kidding so that she wouldn’t be offended.

“I didn’t know you had me in a pedestal to begin with, Novak, that only tells me I haven’t really opened myself up that much” Alex half-teased, half meant it.

Casey shrugged. “I wouldn’t know though, would I?” she said in a tone Alex was sure was flirtatious, but didn’t want to cling on to her interpretations. It honestly sounded deliberate.

“I guess you wouldn’t, but I can assure you, you haven’t heard enough” Alex followed her lead, using that same tone, as she poured another glass of wine for herself and her coworker. She didn’t understand whether it was teasing or they were honestly flirting with each other, and the blonde wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

Casey leaned on the island to be closer to Alex, her elbows on the cold marble, with both hands below her chin. “so, tell me enough then” she lowered her tone of voice. Alex’s heart started racing at the close proximity of her co-worker, the more they exchanged words, the more confused about the nature of the conversation.

Alex stood up, trying not to seem uncomfortable; she knew Casey had had trouble in the past with friends knowing about her sexuality, and she didn’t want the red head to think she was scaring her or pulling away. She cleared her throat. “maybe later, now we gotta finish this shitty case”

Casey groaned as she grabbed her glass of wine and followed Alex to the living room. “it really is a shitty case, I don’t want to work in it anymore, I want to eat brownies and watch a crappy movie”

Alex laughed, her tension going away quickly. “ok, so crappy movie over shitty case?”

“always, the best thing about crappy movies is I don’t have to analyze them, and the worst thing about shitty cases is that they’re so hard to work my head hurts” Casey said, rubbing her temple.

Alex smirked while slowly shaking her head. “you truly are something, Novak”, she said, baffled by the red head in front of her.

“I sure am, if I wasn’t something then I would be nothing, and if I was nothing you would be talking to yourself”

Alex rolled her eyes “why do you always have an answer for everything? Take the compliment and shut up, would you?”

“firstly, I’m an attorney Alex, of course I have an answer for everything. Secondly, that was hardly a compliment” Casey laughed. “lastly, I’m not one to take compliments, so either get used to me refuting them or saying some stupid comment or just don’t compliment me”. She said that still with a teasing tone, but Alex sensed the red head meant every word of it. Casey downed her third glass of wine.

There was a pause while Alex simply thought of that last statement. It seemed to be pretty personal, and they honestly hadn’t discussed anything that serious since they talked about Casey’s sexuality, which left the older attorney pensive.

“why?” the blonde finally spoke.

Casey looked at her, her brows furrowed. “why, what?” she asked.

“why can’t you take a compliment?” Alex looked at Casey in the eyes. “I know it’s happened before; I notice you either try to deviate the conversation elsewhere or deny it when I say something nice”

Casey tensed her body, clearly uncomfortable with Alex’s question. Instead of answering, she shrugged her shoulders and turned around to look at the oven, like she could actually see it from the couch.

Alex understood the body language. “sorry, I didn’t mean to pry” she said, embarrassed.

“It’s okay” Casey said looking down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers, her hair covering her face in a way Alex could not see it completely.

Alex stayed silent in the couch, regretting ever bringing up the topic. The red head had opened up so much to her, and the blonde had promised that night that she would too, but Casey never really asked awkward questions. She was a far better person for it.

“you know” Alex’s voice filled the apartment, causing Casey to lift her gaze and look at her, but this time it was the blonde looking down at her hands. “I am a sucker for compliments. It’s not a good thing, I get too dependent on them. I might seem extremely confident, and in some aspects of life I am, but it wasn’t like that always. When I was younger, I hated my body. I knew I was smart, and dedicated, and my grades proved it so there was no issue there, but it wasn’t enough. I really, really didn’t like myself. At high school I got a boyfriend, and he would always compliment me, saying I was beautiful, perfect, whatever; so I started to believe it, to appreciate my body, I would look in the mirror and no longer feel awful. I loved myself. Then, we broke up, and it was back to square one for me. I couldn’t be nice to myself, it felt unnatural, and the support system I had to remind me of my worth was gone. It was hard to get over it and start to fend for myself, tell me I didn’t need no compliments. I kind of got over it, luckily”

Casey reflected on Alex’s words, the blonde still not looking up to meet emerald eyes. “looks aren’t everything, Alex. In fact, they have no purpose at all”

Alex shrugged. “I know” she murmured.

“but… for what it’s worth, you _are_ beautiful Alex, and you don’t need me to feed you confidence, I want you to feel that because _you_ feel it” Casey finished.

“you didn’t need to say that Case, but thanks anyways” Alex said, still with a low volume of voice.

“I know I didn’t, but I do think so”

Alex smiled at that statement. She had never told anyone that before, and Casey had responded perfectly. Her thoughts were interrupted by a well-known raspy voice.

“I have a similar problem, but I really hate compliments as opposed to you. I feel like they are lies, I don’t want to hear lies. I know, I know, I sound like a teenager, I should be over this. I kind of am, mainly with my body, I barely give a fuck anymore; it’s not worth it, I’m probably never getting married anyway”

Alex looked at her, feeling regretful. “Casey, you didn’t have to tell me that, that’s not why I told you my thing” Alex complained.

“I know that. It just feels good to talk” Casey said and smiled at her, just as the oven rang, meaning the brownies were ready. She stood up to go to the kitchen.

Alex smiled. “hey, Novak” she called the red head’s attention. Casey stopped and turned to look at her, expecting her to speak. “you are beautiful too”

Casey groaned. “shit Alexandra, this is so sweet I might become diabetic, and I STILL have brownies to eat”

The blonde laughed. “sorry, I just completely disregarded your ‘I hate compliments’ thing”

“yeah, you did. Never again, Cabot” Casey said and resumed her walk to the kitchen. Alex lifted both her hands in an innocent manner even if she was out of sight, while her co-worker took the baked goods out of the oven.

“put them in the fridge so they cool faster, I really am hungry” Alex yelled from the living room and Casey obliged.

* * *

They kept working the case for about half an hour until the brownies were cool, at which point they had given up trying to work.

“do you want a Daiquiri?” Alex asked.

“are you trying to get me drunk, Cabot? We already had wine” Casey teased.

Alex laughed. “I think I’m more trying to get over my headache, you’re just the guest and I’m compelled to offer you as well. Plus, brownies and daiquiris are the best combination”.

“you might be right. Sure, I can’t ever deny a daiquiri” Casey replied. Alex stood up and was gone for a few minutes, coming back with two daiquiris and a plate full of brownies.

They set the food at the coffee table and collapsed on the couch, deciding for a ‘crappy movie’ as Casey called them. They chose ‘Friends with Benefits’ on Netflix and watched while eating brownies and drinking the peachy alcoholic beverage.

“ugh, this is so cringey” Casey exclaimed at a romantic scene in the movie.

Alex looked at her, amused. “Casey, why do you hate love so much??” the blonde laughed.

“I don’t… I guess. I don’t know” the red head accompanied the laughing fit. It probably would have been exponentially less funny if it weren’t for the fact they were both a little drunk.

As the laughs dissipated, they both paid attention to the movie again, but it only took a short time for Casey to speak again.

“I guess I’ve kind of given up on it. Maybe it’s a little jealousy”.

Alex looked at her, but the red head did not meet her gaze.

“you can’t give up Casey, you’re young. It’ll come someday”

“it’s not as easy as it may be for you Alex, or for any straight person for that matter. My choices are already limited” she paused for just a second. “how the fuck do you always get me to talk about personal shit? I’ll regret everything tomorrow. I think you actually _are_ trying to get me drunk” her tone changed completely. Still, it was not accusatory, she was still teasing, but she truly wondered how the blonde could make her spill the beans on everything, even on things Alex didn’t ask.

“am not, you’re already drunk” Alex simply stated. “and I don’t hold a gun to your head asking you to talk, you do that yourself”.

Casey rolled her eyes. “I know. It comes easy with you”

Alex smiled. “promise me you won’t give up on love, Novak” she prompted.

Casey giggled. “why is it that important to you?”

“I just can’t imagine what it would feel like. You, particularly. I mean, Catholicism is a lot about spouses, compromise, children. All of that, it seems weird you don’t want it” Alex spoke honestly.

“okay, I think I’m a bit past the quote unquote ‘traditional catholic family’, given that my sexuality means I’m supposedly going to hell. And I never said I didn’t want it, I said I had given up in ever getting it. Doesn’t mean I will walk away if it happens, it means I’m not gonna go looking for it” the red head clarified.

Alex bit her lower lip, pensive. “ok, I get it” she simply said, and they both went silent after that. Even though they had missed a big chunk of the movie, they continued to watch it until it ended. It was nearly 4am.

“okay, enough entertainment for the night, I’m gonna pass out” Alex said, getting up from the couch.

“yeah, same, that fucking movie was unnecessary, but I did need to clear my head from work” Casey stretched and stood up as well.

“me too, but now we won’t sleep until 6, which means we may not sleep at all” the blonde sighed.

“don’t test my sleep deprived body, I think I will definitely close my eyes as soon as I hit the pillow”

Alex sighed again. “well, aren’t you lucky. Go change”. Casey obeyed and went to the bathroom to change. When she entered the bedroom, Alex was facing her mirror in her pajamas, trying to pull her messy hair into a ponytail.

Casey let out a loud laugh, which startled Alex.

“what???” the blonde asked, turning around, showing Casey a truly concerned look.

“Alex, you can’t possibly sleep in a thong. Hell, I can’t even wear a thong for a couple of hours” she probably wouldn’t have said that if her blood alcohol was 0.

“how the fuck-“ Alex didn’t get to finish the sentence, for she looked at her butt in the mirror realized how Casey knew what underwear she was wearing: her black panties peeked through her white, not purposefully see-through white shorts. Her face immediately went red.

“not judging, you wear whatever you like, but you don’t have to do that for me, you know, I’m fine with normal panties” Casey teased and winked at the blonde. Alex truly did not understand Casey. Was she this flirtatious with everyone, or just her?

The red head got under the covers on the left side of the bed, waiting for Alex, who was still lost in her thoughts.

“hey, earth to Cabot” with that she got the blonde’s attention. “are you coming or what?”

“yeah” Alex murmured as she got under the covers on the other side of the bed.

Casey was pensive for a while as the alcohol metabolized and the effect wore off. “I’m sorry for that comment, it was out of line, Alex, I shouldn’t have” she whispered, hoping her co-worker would still be awake.

“it’s okay, it wasn’t out of line” Alex whispered back.

Casey bit her lower lip. “it’s true what I said before, Alex, it’s just the way I am, ok?”. She truly sounded apologetic, and kind of sad, like she thought she had ruined a good thing.

“ok” Alex said shortly.

“do you really mean that or are you just shutting me up?” Casey insisted.

“I don’t know, Casey, I’m tired, just sleep”

“Alex, please-“

Alex cut her short. “stop”

Finally, there was silence. It only lasted about fifteen minutes, because then Casey got up.

“where are you going?” the blonde asked, curious. She had a toilet connected to the bedroom so it couldn’t be that.

“I’ll sleep on the couch” Casey said as coldly as she could. Alex could almost sense the lump in her throat from her voice, like the red head had been affected by the short conversation. The thought that she might have made a mistake by talking to Casey with that tone of voice passed briefly through Alex’s mind; she knew Casey had some sort of trauma with her friendships falling apart because of her sexuality.

Alex got up as quickly as her legs allowed her to and grabbed Casey’s wrist softly, stopping the red head from crossing the bedroom door into the living room. She gently nudged Casey so that she would look into her blue eyes, and when she did, Alex cupped her cheek and connected her lips to hers. The blonde didn’t know what had crossed her mind at that moment, but she followed her instinct, and that’s what it told her. Why? maybe, it told her it would be a way to tell Casey that she was okay with it. That, or maybe something Alex didn’t quite understand yet.

It lasted less than a second until Casey realized what was happening and pulled away.

“Alex, what the fuck?” Casey genuinely asked, her eyes changing their expression from sadness to confusion. She looked pretty calm, and sounded a bit concerned, but Alex didn’t even have a straight head to pay attention to the way Casey portrayed her words.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Casey, I’m so, so sorry, I don’t know what came over me! Fuck, I’m drunk” the blonde rubbed her temples with both hands and got away from the red head, walking to the window opposite the bedroom door, where Casey stood still.

Casey’s mouth dropped, speechless. Alex didn’t want to look at her, and she didn’t understand what was happening. The red head had warned her co-worker about her flirting, assuring the blonde that she did it with everyone and not to take it personal. She didn’t like Alex that way, she never fell for an obviously straight woman (lucky for her), but it appeared she had given the wrong impression.

“Alex” she exclaimed, waiting for the blonde to turn around and look at her, but when she kept her gaze at the window, Casey kept talking. “I told you it wasn’t personal, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea-“

“No! Casey you didn’t, I swear, I just- I don’t know. It was an impulse. I’m straight. I’m just drunk and tired”. She still wouldn’t look at the red head.

“okay, relax, you don’t need to clarify. I’ll sleep on the couch, ok? But don’t dwell on it too much, seriously, it’s fine Alex. Don’t worry about it. Good night” Casey said, and she walked away to the living room, closing the bedroom door and leaving the blonde alone.

Alex stood still, frozen. She took her fingertips to her own lips, reflecting on what she had done. She _was straight,_ wasn’t she? Casey just messed with her head. She sighed and got under the covers, but couldn’t sleep at all until about two hours later.

* * *

When Alex woke up Saturday morning, it was noon. She had forgotten to set her alarm clock. She got up and left the bedroom to make coffee, and found that Casey had completely vanished from the apartment, she hadn’t even left a note. Alex was so sad; when the red head had told her about all the friends she’d lost, the blonde had promised herself she wouldn’t be one of them, if they ever got to be friends; and Alex felt like they were already friends.

Luckily, it was the weekend, so they wouldn’t have to see each other until Monday. Alex half hoped that Casey would call before that, but she didn’t think it was going to happen. Plus, she was dreading that conversation. She wished this were all just a weird dream.


	3. It's nice to have a friend

Monday morning, Casey was working in her office when there was a knock on the door.

“come in” she said still not looking up from the file she was reading. The door opened and closed.

“hey” Alex said softly.

Casey looked up and gave her a smile. “hi. I’m still not done with the Blanco case; I’ll drop the file by your office when I am”

Alex sighed “Casey, that’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to say sorry again for-“

Casey cut her off, raising her hand. “Alex, stop. I already told you it’s okay”

“is it really?” Alex questioned. “you left on Saturday without even a goodbye and didn’t call or text”

“I felt awkward, okay? Am I not allowed to? I couldn’t sleep at your place. I’m over it though, I rationalized it and realized I was being stupid” Casey lied; she wasn’t over it, but she really wanted to. It’s not like she had developed feelings for her new friend, not at all; she couldn’t put into words how she actually felt about the whole ordeal. Maybe ‘used’ was a pretty good word for it.

“you weren’t being stupid, your reaction was reasonable. I made a mistake” Alex looked down.

“I know. Just try not to do it again, ok?”

“of course, I won’t do it again. I hope we can go back to the way things were…” Alex thought out loud.

Casey smiled weakly. “forget about it, we can go back”.

“thanks. I have arraignments, see you later” Alex said as she turned around to open the door.

“see you”

* * *

* * *

A month later, their dynamics had gone back to normal for the most part. The only change they’d made was that they didn’t sleep together anymore: the guest in the house slept on the couch. That way it was easier, and Alex had been partly relieved; she wasn’t ready to acknowledge whatever new feelings she had for the red head.

It was working weekend again at Alex’s home. Lately all the gatherings had been in the blonde’s place, at Casey’s request. The red head didn’t say it but she felt more comfortable at Alex’s place than at hers, mainly because she could run away if things ever got awkward, and that was more polite than kicking Alex out.

Alex was moody. She’d had a cousin of hers stay at her apartment for a couple of weeks. She was a teen from Boston who was attending NYU next year, and her parents (Alex’s mother’s cousins) had asked the blonde to help their daughter Emma get accustomed to the city. Alex was more than happy to have Emma there, but it also meant she couldn’t _take care of herself_ because it just felt wrong.

In reality, Alex hadn’t had sex in over a year, and she was starting to get annoyed about it, so much so that she even saw an opportunity in her co-worker and now friend. Or at least that’s what she thought her feelings for the red head were, lust provoked by the lack of sex life she had.

“ALEX” Casey yelled, waving her hands at her.

Alex snapped out of it and finally looked up at the red head, who was standing in front of her, confused. “sorry”.

“what were you thinking about that was more important than this pain in the ass cross examination we have on Monday?”

Alex groaned. “I don’t even know anymore”

Casey reflected for a minute. “you seem so moody lately, what’s going on?”

“thanks” Alex said sarcastically. “I don’t know, I guess having Emma here stressed me out a bit”

“why? Was she a handful?” Casey questioned the blonde.

Alex shook her head. “no, not at all, she was great actually. She even did my dishes and cleaned the place” She smiled. Her cousin really was amazing with her.

Casey furrowed her brows. “then why did it stress you out to have her here?”

Alex sighed. She wasn’t about to have this awkward conversation.

“I guess I can’t do some stuff I normally do when she’s here” she ended up saying. It was also true after all.

Casey blinked. “what do you mean?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “stop asking questions Casey, we’re not in court!” the red head was testing her patience and she didn’t have any left to stand it.

“wow, chill, Alex” Casey said, offended. “looks like you need to lay off some steam” she muttered, so that the blonde wouldn’t hear her.

“huh?” Alex asked, though she’d understood what the red head had said. Apparently, it wasn’t as silent as she had hoped.

“nothing” Casey said hoping to end the conversation.

“what do you mean I need to lay off some steam?” why? why was she getting into this? Maybe she was looking for a fight.

Casey stared blankly at her, searching for an answer. It was clear what she meant, but she didn’t want to say it. The topic of sex seemed off the table ever since things had gotten awkward between them, and it was a barrier they hadn’t been able to cross since.

“I just mean you might need to do something outside of work. Relax, have a night to yourself. Stuff like that”

Alex pursed her lips. “yeah, you’re right, I do need that”

“maybe you can take the rest of the night off. I’ll go home and work on this. You’ll owe me one, but I can live with that, you’ll pay me later” Casey grinned and winked at her.

Alex’s jaw dropped slightly at that last gesture, but she ultimately ignored it. “no, no, I can’t do that to you, I’ll take tomorrow off, now we gotta work”

“okay, if you say so…”

* * *

A few hours had passed. Alex was sitting on a living room chair with her laptop on her lap, and Casey was chewing on the end of a pen while looking over some files on the couch.

Casey looked up to ask Alex a question and her eyes met the blue ones who were already staring at her.

“what?” Casey asked, and let out a small laugh.

“nothing” Alex snapped out of her train of thought again.

“you’re so distracted, are you sure you don’t want to go to bed or take a break?”

“yes. I’m gonna bring some wine, do you want any?” Alex stood up.

“yeah, thanks”. As Alex passed through Casey to head to the kitchen, the red head grabbed her by the wrist. “wait! I wanted to ask; did the perp ask for a plea deal on this one? You talked to him” she pointed to the name in the file she was holding so Alex could see the one she was talking about. It was a rape-murder which had led to a sex trafficking ring, and the detectives had arrested one of the pimps, but the leader of the whole operation was still unknown to them.

“yeah, he says he’ll talk about the rest of the ring if we give him a deal” Alex said. Casey’s hand was still on her wrist.

“perfect, thanks”, she said smiling weakly at her, and let go of the blonde’s wrist.

Alex got to the kitchen and sighed. She was tired, but they still had work to do and she wouldn’t be able to take Sunday off if they didn’t finish that night. Casey heard her, since in Alex’s apartment the kitchen was only separated from the living room by the marble island.

“take a break, Cabot, it’s not like the world will end if we don’t finish today. I already told you I can work tomorrow on your files as well” Casey raised her voice so that the blonde could hear her.

“and I already told you I won’t let you do that” Alex matched her co-worker’s tone.

Casey sighed. “listen, you’re getting _extremely_ annoying to work with, so I’m forcing you to take a break whether you like it or not”

“hey!” Alex exclaimed, offended.

“ok, the ‘ _extremely’_ part of the sentence was a joke, but not the rest. Come sit, I’ll bring the wine” she said as she came to the kitchen. Alex looked at her and sighed in defeat, walking over to the couch and sitting on it. She grabbed a blanket and covered herself with it.

Casey walked towards her and handed her a glass, to which Alex smiled grateful.

“are you cold?” the red head asked laughing, seeing Alex had covered herself entirely, only her head and the hand holding the glass peeking through. It was mid-November after all.

“yeah. Wanna watch a movie?”

“wouldn’t that be too long of a break?” Casey hesitated. “Unless you don’t want to work anymore”

“ok, maybe not a movie. What about an X-Files episode?” Alex offered.

“sure” Casey agreed. She sat on the couch next to Alex and pulled the blanked from the blonde. “I’m cold too” she smiled, and Alex returned it, fixing the blanket to cover them both.

They watched the episode in silence, sipping their wine, one glass after the other. It was very interesting, and Alex was so invested in it she kind of forgot her surroundings. When it ended, she looked over at Casey and realized the red head was fast asleep, her head laying on Alex’s shoulder. She had been so busy thinking of herself, she hadn’t considered her co-worked may be worn out too. The blonde smiled at the sight of her, breathing peacefully, and debated whether to wake her up or not; she decided against it and instead relaxed and drifted off to sleep herself there, feeling too comfortable to move.


	4. Everything has Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter honors the explicit rating :)

Casey woke half an hour later to find herself snuggled up with a sleeping Alex on the sofa, the bottle of wine almost empty in front of her. She couldn’t move much because the blonde had her head laying on top of hers. Alex also had her arm across Casey’s belly.

The red head smiled. She felt warm and safe in that position, even if it was a little compromising considering the nature of her relationship with Alex. She hadn’t slept like that, in someone’s arms, in probably years, and she remembered how good it felt. So instead of waking Alex up to keep working, she stayed there, thinking about whatever, trying to stay still. She reached for the wine and poured the rest of it in her glass, drinking it quickly to avoid much movement.

Not too long after, she felt Alex move beside her and looked at her to find sleepy blue eyes.

“hey, we seem to have fallen asleep” Casey laughed. She suddenly felt a little more uncomfortable.

Alex stretched. “sorry. Do you want to keep working?” she questioned while rubbing her eyes, hoping the red head would say no. Even after her power nap, she was still tired and just wanted to go to bed.

“don’t apologize, I didn’t even get to finish the episode. Didn’t realize I was THAT tired. And no, I really don’t feel like working, but if you want to, go ahead and I’ll do mine tomorrow”

“well that’s great because I don’t want to work either”

“Wanna go to bed?” Casey asked. She felt conflicted; on the one hand she was tired, but going to bed meant Alex going to her bedroom and her staying there.

“I guess, but I also don’t want to move. I’m too warm here” Alex said not looking at the other woman.

Casey laughed. “we can both stay here if you want to”

Alex thought of it for a minute. “sure, but there’s not much room here, we’re practically glued to each other” she let out a small laugh.

“you can go to bed if you prefer” Casey offered, but she didn’t really mean it.

“no, it’s okay, I’m comfortable”. Alex pulled the covers, as the woman beside her snuggled over her shoulder to resume her previous position. Alex smiled and draped her arms across Casey’s abdomen, placing her warm hand in her waist, making the latter hum accidentally, which only widened the blonde’s smile. She moved her arm and instead began stroking red hair softly, moving her caresses down to sweater-covered pale arms and then legs. She wondered if it was inappropriate but didn’t dare ask, afraid it would ruin the moment. She figured Casey would tell her to stop if it made her uncomfortable. She kept doing it, but she ultimately decided to stop, feeling guilty; maybe Casey wouldn’t tell her to stop.

She moved her arm away and placed it on top of her own abdomen instead. It was then that Casey grabbed it and pulled it towards her again, motioning for Alex to keep stroking her hair.

Alex laughed at the red head.

“don’t mock me, Cabot, I just really like it when people touch my hair” she said still with her eyes closed.

“I wasn’t. Why do you like it so much?” Alex asked.

Casey opened her eyes and looked at her. “it relaxes me. It’s a great feeling” she smiled. “c’mon, keep doing it”

“OK, bossy” Alex joked as she stroked her hair again.

“don’t you like it?” Casey asked.

“yeah, sure, who doesn’t? don’t know if I like it as much as you though, is seems you may come if I don’t stop”

They burst out laughing at that comment, like they had been friends for years and it was just normal conversation. It took a moment for them to be able to breathe again. Maybe the alcohol hadn’t completely worn off yet.

“imagine though, life would be so easy” Casey said, as she wiped the tears in her eyes left from laughing.

“yeah. Or so difficult. Imagine being in court and coming from someone touching your hair” Alex retorted, reflecting on the matter.

“oh, you’re right, that would be… unfortunate. Plus, if coming was so easy it wouldn’t be fun anymore. I actually saw a documentary in which a woman had orgasms up to more than one a minute. It was so bad it hurt”

“ouch. I can imagine” Alex said. “so weird for you to watch that kind of documentaries, what the fuck?” she added, laughing.

“It appeared on my recommended YouTube page!” Casey defended herself.

“yeah, sure thing” Alex mocked.

They went quiet for a bit. It seemed that that tension they had that prevented them from talking about anything sexual was slowly dissipating, and Alex was glad. She suddenly felt bold, probably from downing half a bottle of wine.

“can I tell you something weird?”.

Casey looked at her. “is it going to scare me out of the apartment?” she joked.

“probably” Alex said. Casey furrowed her brows and the blonde laughed. “kidding. At least I hope it won’t”

Casey laughed. “ok”

Alex went quiet for a minute.

“did you chicken out or what?” Casey asked.

“I’ve never come having sex before” Alex confessed.

Casey furrowed her brows again. “what, you mean like in penetration? That’s normal”

Alex shook her head. “no, I mean, when I’m with someone else”

Casey’s green eyes widened. “what?” she exclaimed. “how is that possible?” she was honestly surprised.

“am I weird?” Alex worried.

“I don’t think ‘weird’ is the word. Do you know why?”

“I don’t know, it’s always about the man coming, and even if I’m having a good time I don’t get to finish because he always finishes before me”

Casey opened her mouth in awe. “what the fuck? So, he doesn’t care if you finish?”

“I don’t think so, I think he thinks I’ve come” Alex said reflectively.

“why would he think that? Do you fake it?” Casey asked.

Alex thought for a moment. “no, I never have”

“look, I don’t know much about straight sex, but I think you may be having it with awful men who don’t give a crap about your pleasure. That or straight sex is all about the man, which I’ve heard before but refuse to believe” Casey said sincerely. “maybe you should ask someone who knows more about it than me” she laughed and looked up at Alex, who’s sight was lost somewhere in front of her.

“yeah, maybe” she mumbled.

Casey realized she had made a mistake by being so blunt with the blonde. “hey”, she nudged her, “sorry for saying that, it sounded so wrong. You’re not weird Alex. I don’t know what to say” she said as she bit her bottom lip.

Alex looked at her. “no, I think you’re right. Maybe straight sex is all about the man’s pleasure, or at the very least the sex I’ve had. I’m sure men must care about the woman. I probably need to find a better bed mate”

“yeah, that or turn to the other team, that doesn’t happen in lesbian sex” Casey joked, laughing.

“well, aren’t you lucky” Alex said with irony in her voice.

“now that you tell me about it, I might be. Though it’s been _so_ long”

Alex laughed. “I can certainly get that”

Casey sat pensive. She knew what she wanted to ask, but she was debating in which way to ask it to not make the blonde uncomfortable.

“so… you _have_ had an orgasm though, right?” she asked, afraid of the answer. She knew it would be implying whether or not Alex touched herself and it might be too personal. It was kind of taboo for women.

“yeah, of course, if not I would have probably killed myself by now” Alex laughed. Apparently, the blonde didn’t feel taboo about the topic.

“wow, I’m surprised by how nonchalant you are about it”

Alex shrugged. “everybody does it, right?”

“yeah” Casey affirmed.

“that’s part of what’s got me so stressed. With Emma here I couldn’t do much of nothing” Alex confessed.

“oh, NOW I get you. I read you right, you do need to lay off some steam” Casey said, amused.

Alex rolled her eyes. “shut up Novak, bet it would do you good too”.

“yeah, definitely”

After that conversation, they weren’t tired anymore. They were in the same positions as before, Casey on Alex’s left and the latter’s arm draped over the red head’s abdomen. They looked at each other in the eyes, but both knew it would be a mistake to go past that, that the damage would be irreparable. They had both admitted they needed sex, but certainly not with each other.

“can we go to bed? I wanna lay down” Alex asked.

Casey nodded. She pursed her lips, wondering if the conversation had made the blonde uncomfortable. Alex stood up and started walking towards the bedroom, but turned around when she noticed Casey wasn’t moving.

“aren’t you coming?” the blonde asked.

Casey looked at her, eyes wide open, surprised she’d ask. “uh, ok” she mumbled, and followed Alex.

They changed into their sleepwear and laid in bed, with a respectable distance between them, looking at the ceiling. At the same time, they both turned to face each other, and smiled.

“you tired?” Casey asked.

“are you?” Alex retorted.

“wow, I just had a de ja vu” Casey said, and Alex furrowed her brows. “it’s not actually a de ja vu, just a memory of you telling me exactly that in my office a couple of years ago, about the William Connors case. Remember? You asked to go over your testimony and I said you were ready, and you told me that” Casey remembered.

“how do you remember stuff like that? But yeah, now that you mention it, it does come to mind”

“I have good memory. It also kind of marked me”

“Why?” Alex wondered.

Casey sighed. “well, it spoke of your thoughts about me, how you didn’t think I was good enough for the job”

“Casey, I was such an ass back then, I had a massive ego for my work persona. WPP smacked me in the face and forced me into reality, I guess. And you more than proved yourself then. I was actually pretty sad I didn’t get to thank you. But I am sorry if I made you feel any less than you were”

Casey smiled. “you don’t have to apologize, Alex, it’s been years. And it probably wouldn’t have affected me if I weren’t so insecure about it”

Alex suddenly felt awful with herself. She had made Casey feel small, when she was already struggling.

She bit her lower lip. “are you still insecure?” she asked.

Casey sighed. “I wouldn’t be myself if I wasn’t”

Alex pursed her lips and Casey watched her.

“hey, but don’t feel bad about it, I’m so used to it it’s like I’m not even insecure anymore” she smiled. Alex let out a small laugh.

“still, you don’t have anything to be insecure about, Casey”

“here come the compliments again. Don’t make me leave, Cabot” Casey joked.

Alex lifted her hands as to prove her innocence, which made Casey laugh.

“at least let me hug you as an apology for my bitchy comment” Alex offered. She needed a bit more contact from the red head.

Casey smiled. “sure” she scooted over to Alex’s side and the blonde, still laying down, extended her left arm for Casey to place her head. As she did, Alex draped her right arm across her co-worker and began stroking her hair.

Casey sighed. “you’re killing me, Cabot”

“and you love it, Novak” Alex retorted, trying to contain a smile.

“maybe” she said as she placed her arm over the blonde’s abdomen, and started tickling her ribs, which made Alex flinch a little at the contact but immediately relax by the soft touch. Both women had the same thoughts going through their mind. ‘ _is this weird?’ ‘Is this too close?’ ‘Am I crossing a line?’_

The blonde sighed and pulled Casey closer by instinct. Casey exhaled on her neck, and Alex closed her eyes, dreading the fact that it felt so good to have her co-worker so close, massaging her belly and breathing on her neck. She tensed up.

Casey looked up at her, lifting her head a little bit to do so. “are you okay?”

Alex made eye contact. They were so close, breathing on each other’s faces. The blonde drifted her gaze to Casey’s lips, closed her eyes and leaned over.

The kiss was chaste, not the one that two women who had just discussed missing sex would have. It lasted a few seconds, and Casey didn’t pull away. Alex opened her eyes to meet with green ones, looking at her, only for the blue orbs to be instinctively closed again when Casey’s lips connected with hers once more, in a similar kiss to the previous one.

When Casey pulled away, she smiled and laid back in Alex’s arm, this time with her head a little more over the blonde’s chest. She noticed Alex’s heart and breathing had sped up and smiled against her skin, pulling her tighter and tickling her ribs again.

“you didn’t answer me before” Casey said.

“huh?” Alex asked.

“are you tired?” Casey asked the previous question again.

“I’m definitely not tired” Alex answered. Her breathing was still rapid.

Casey smiled. “Me either. Although I could sleep like this”

Alex let out a small laugh. “maybe later”

“yeah” Casey said shortly. Her hand left the spot in Alex’s ribs and began wondering up and down, always over the blonde’s tank top.

Alex giggled. “that tickles”

Casey laughed. “are you ticklish, Cabot?”

“no” she said. “I really like it”

Casey smiled and kept the movement going for a bit, until Alex moved the hand draped over the red head and pulled her tank top up, revealing her abdomen. She then grabbed Casey’s wrist and placed it where it was before hand, motioning for her to keep going up and down on her skin.

Casey did as compelled and touched the soft skin with her fingertips. Meanwhile, Alex stroked red hair.

“why are you breathing so fast? I’m getting dizzy from all the up and down” Casey half-joked, referencing their positions, as her head was laying on Alex’s head.

Alex laughed. “I don’t know” but she did. She bit her lip.

“relax, Alex, it’s okay. You’re in charge” Casey answered. She didn’t know what her own statement was referring to, but she thought it would relieve the blonde.

Alex lifted Casey’s chin and kissed her again, this time more desperately, cupping her face. Casey followed her lead, kissing her back. Seeing the red head wasn’t pulling away, Alex swiped the tip of her tongue against her lips, asking for entrance, which Casey granted by parting them. Her hand moved from her face to the red hair in the back of her neck, the other hand trapped under Casey’s body pulling it closer and going up and down her back.

Casey didn’t know what was happening, and her mind was filled with red flags. She knew this was a bad idea, and probably the end of a friendship, but in that moment she didn’t care. All she wanted was Alex close to her, her lips on hers.

Alex, much like Casey, also didn’t know what was happening. There were a lot of questions going through the back of her mind. _‘is this just sexual release?’ ‘should I be reconsidering my sexuality?’ ‘what does this mean for our friendship?’ ‘am I hurting Casey by doing this?’_. All questions she couldn’t answer, and she wasn’t focused on them. She felt selfish about the last question, but repressed the emotion because Casey seemed responsive enough to tell it wasn’t one-sided.

She broke the kiss in need of air and turned Casey on her back. She placed herself on top of her, spreading her knees in-between Casey’s hips and sitting on them, pinning her to the bed. Inches away from green eyes, she looked at them to reassure herself she wasn’t crossing the line, and Casey nodded, understanding the look. Their lips met again desperately, deepening the kiss instantly, Alex’s hands on Casey’s jaw, and Casey’s on the back of Alex’s neck.

Alex started grinding on Casey’s hips, which made them both moan between kisses. Casey tugged at Alex tank top asking for permission, and Alex broke the kiss to incorporate and take off the piece of clothing, leaving her in a lace bra. Immediately she bent down again to keep kissing Casey, not seeming to get enough of her taste. Casey’s hands began wondering softly up and down Alex’s torso, reaching her butt, which made the blonde’s hairs stiffen by how good it felt.

Alex’s hands moved from the red head’s jaw to her abdomen, pulling up her shirt, wanting to take it off. They stopped kissing and Casey lifted herself up enough for Alex to remove the shirt, lifting her arms. Alex threw the clothing at a random place and smirked at Casey before kissing her again, her arms going straight to the red head’s breast and cupping them, making Casey smile into the kiss.

Casey’s hands went up from Alex’s butt to her back and started fidgeting around her bra clip. She pulled the straps down Alex’s shoulders and finally unclasped it, sliding it down the blonde’s arms and tossing it. She then wondered her hands back to Alex’s lower body and played with her pajama pants’ waistband, then going further down reaching the center of her thighs. She ran her middle finger from her center up, making Alex moan and grind towards her hand, asking for more contact, which made Casey grin.

Casey grabbed Alex by the waist and flipped them so that it was her on top of Alex. Alex yelped a bit at the sudden change of positions but adjusted quickly, lifting her upper body to kiss Casey, supporting herself with her elbows. Casey broke the kiss, which made Alex miss her lips, but she was pleasantly surprised when the red head began moving down.

First Casey trailed down her neck, leaving some soft and some harsher kisses on it. When she reached Alex’s clavicle, she kissed the extension of it, stopping mid-way to suck on it until leaving a mark, making the blonde moan softly, causing Casey to smile into her skin. She continued the trail of kisses down to her breasts, and looked up at Alex, whose blue eyes were fixated on her, expectantly. It was all Casey needed, so she began with soft kissing on her cleavage, to then take her right breast and make a circle of kisses around her nipple, while massaging it. Alex grabbed Casey’s head and pulled it closer to her to prolong the contact. The red head then took the soft bud in her mouth and started twirling it with her tongue, to which Alex escaped a moan and pulled Casey’s hair inevitably.

Casey kept it up for a while, eventually moving to the other breast and repeating the process. Alex watched her as much as she could, partially because it turned her on but also because she was in awe of the red head and how she took her time. Alex had never had an experience like that before. The men she had slept with generally skipped foreplay or did it only for a couple of minutes, not realizing how pleasing it was for her.

Casey trailed kisses down her abdomen, still cupping and massaging Alex’s boobs, and when she reached the waistband of Alex’s pants she looked up at her again. Alex lifted her pelvis so Casey could remove the pants, pulling them down along with her panties. She also pulled her own pants down, leaving her panties, so she was only wearing a bra and underwear. She resumed her position at the end of the bed and her hands wondered through Alex’s thighs, feeling every inch of them, and causing the blonde to exhale abruptly at the contact. Eventually, her head got closer to Alex center, while she stroke her inner thigh with her fingers; Casey’s breathing alone was building up the pressure in Alex, so the blonde extended her arm and placed her hand on Casey’s hair, stroking it. Casey smiled and ran her tongue up Alex’s thigh, right in the angle between it and her vulva. Casey felt Alex’s breathing fasten and the hand holding her hair tighten, so the red head licked at her opening, stiffening her tongue and entering her vagina with it, making Alex moan and pull her head closer. Casey moved her tongue in and out a couple of times, until she ran it from Alex’s opening to her clit, sucking on it. Meanwhile, her hands roamed all through the blonde’s body, exploring it, and Alex kept moaning, lifting her pelvis to create more pressure.

Suddenly Casey stopped and got on top of Alex again to kiss her lips, deepening it, and Alex felt the taste of herself on the red head’s mouth. She began grinding on Casey’s hip, asking for more friction, annoyed she had stopped, and Casey grinded too. Alex grabbed Casey’s bum and pulled it up and down with her own movements, applying more pressure to her center, while they made out.

Casey’s right hand trailed a path from Alex’s breast down to her pelvis, and she placed her middle and index finger in the blonde’s wet opening, expecting some kind of sign for her to enter.

“go” Alex mumbled, and Casey pushed the two fingers inside her, causing Alex to tug on Casey’s hair with her left hand and grab the cover sheet with the other. Casey’s fingers curled inside her, causing a loud moan, while the red head kissed her jaw and neck and cupped her breast with her left hand. Her fingers curled up and down, stimulating Alex’s G spot, and making the blonde’s hips move to the rhythm. At this point, Alex was sweating and breathing very heavily. Casey sped up her pace and applied more pressure seeing how responsive the other woman was. Alex’s left hand, which was still tugging at the sheet, moved to Casey’s back, pulling her closer. At that, Casey placed her thumb in Alex’s clit and started rubbing it, causing Alex to dig her nails in pale skin on the red head’s lower back.

Seeing Alex panting, Casey kissed her on the lips, dancing with her tongue against Alex’s. The blonde broke the kiss because she was out of breath, so Casey moved to her neck again, making sucking marks all over it. She ran her tongue through Alex’s jaw, from her chin to her ear, and nibbled her right ear lobe, giving the woman chills. Meanwhile, with her left hand, Casey rolled Alex’s nipple between her fingers.

“Casey” the blonde mumbled between heavy breaths. Casey understood and sped up the rhythm, applying hard pressure in Alex’s clit and running her tongue through her ear. Alex kept moaning while digging her nails into the red head’s back as she reached climax and let out a breath. Casey stayed on top of her, breathing on her neck, and suddenly pressed hard with her thumb into Alex’s clit yet again, causing her to release a choked-out cry and come for a second time.

Casey used her left hand to caress Alex’s hair while the blonde wore out her orgasm, and waited a bit before she slowly removed her fingers from Alex’s vagina, looking at the blonde in the eye when she placed her middle and index finger in her own mouth, tasting Alex again. Alex looked at her with wide eyes and then smiled. Casey laid by the blonde’s left side, with half her body on top of her, draping her arm across her.

They stayed quiet for a moment, while Alex got her breathing back to a normal frequency.

“ _what… the fuck?”_ Alex spoke, still struggling a bit.

Casey laughed. “what do you mean _what the fuck?”_

“I mean… is lesbian sex always like this or just sex with you?”

“I don’t know, why?”

“Casey, you’re like the queen of multitasking, how the hell can you use every fucking part of your body to do something?”

Casey laughed again “not answering that”

“keeping all the secrets to yourself, right?” Alex teased.

“right”. Casey sighed.

“sorry about the nails” Alex apologized, knowing she had probably left some marks on the other woman’s back.

Casey smiled. “don’t worry”

They stayed quiet for a while, Casey making invisible drawings with her fingers in Alex’s abdomen.

“so… lace bra for bed?” Casey asked, amused.

“don’t mock me, I only wear a bra to bed when I have guests, I’m not gonna flash my nipples at my guests” Alex defended herself.

“it’s a little late for that, isn’t it?” Casey said, grinning.

Alex laughed. “yeah, guess it is. Anyways, you’re wearing a bra too”

“yeah, because this is _your_ house. I’m not gonna flash my nipples at _your_ house” Casey retorted using the same expression as Alex.

“you _could_ flash your nipples at my house” Alex said as she winked at Casey.

“is this a proposition for a second round?” Casey asked teasingly.

“maybe” Alex said matching her tone.

“aren’t you tired?” Casey asked as she thought better about it.

Alex shrugged. “a little”

Casey rubbed her eyes. “I’m tired. Sorry” she apologized.

Alex laughed. “it’s okay. Though isn’t it weird that you got me off and I didn’t return the favor?” she asked concerned.

Casey let out a small laugh. “no, it’s not. It’s normal. And I don’t mind at all. Your pleasure is my pleasure”. She smiled, and Alex couldn’t help but cupping the red head’s face and kissing her again. She really wasn’t used to people like Casey.

“you are from another world, aren’t you?” Alex asked.

“I think you’ve just been bedding too many shitheads” 

Alex laughed. “yeah, maybe…”. She sighed. “hey Case, remember when you told me the difference between kissing men and women?”

Casey thought back to that moment. “yeah, I do. Why?”

“I agree with everything you said”

Casey smiled and hugged Alex tighter, and in that position, they fell asleep moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you find the wayhaught reference here?


	5. Lover (the morning after)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy sorry for not posting in a while, I had exams :( good thing is I passed all of them! anyways you don't care, here's another chapter for you. Its short but it's kind of an interlude for the next one which will go up today as well. Enjoy!

The next morning, Alex woke up at 11am, and found her and Casey to still be in the same position they fell asleep in. She was glad it was her to wake up first because she really needed some time to think what all of last night had meant to her. Truth was, she didn’t know how she felt about Casey; her whole life, she’d never questioned her sexuality, and she hadn’t ever liked a woman that way. But now, all she knew was that, whatever had happened last night, she wanted it to happen again. She wanted to give Casey pleasure, not to ‘return the favor’ as she’d previously said but because she wished to do it. Did that mean she liked the red head? Had the sex meant Casey liked her? She didn’t have the answer to those questions, and she was conflicted about the possibilities. She sighed.

Casey stretched beside her and opened her eyes to meet with blue.

“hey” she said with a raspy voice. “have you been up for long?”

“hey” Alex smiled. “no, I woke up a few minutes ago”

“oh… sleep well?”

“like a fucking baby” Alex said. “you’re pretty comfortable to sleep with”

Casey laughed.

“is It too early to talk?” Alex asked.

“What about?”

Alex gave her a look. “you know what about, Casey”

Casey sighed. “I don’t know Alex, do we have to deal with it like _right now?_ I haven’t had time to think about it, and it’s not like I thought about it last night before it happened either”

Alex pursed her lips. “okay, we can talk later. Can I just ask you one thing?”. Casey nodded for her to continue. “why last night and not a month ago when I kissed you?”

Casey bit her lower lip, thinking of an answer. “why did you kiss me a month ago?”

“that’s not fair, you can’t avoid my question by asking another one” Alex retorted.

Casey sighed. “to be honest, I have no idea why last night. When you kissed me the first time, I thought you were using me because you were going through some shit and you knew I was gay so I’d probably be okay with it. Either that or you felt sorry for me. I don’t know. And I don’t know what changed about this time, because I still believe it was kind of a release. Maybe it changed in the fact that this time, I didn’t care anymore, I needed the release just as badly as you did”

Alex stayed petrified in the bed, having stopped breathing for a second. Casey, who was still laying on her chest, looked up at her.

“what, am I wrong?” she asked.

“Casey, I was not using you, nor did I feel sorry for you. I… I don’t know. I felt vulnerable at the time and I kinda thought you were flirting with me”

Casey’s jaw dropped as she incorporated in the bed, sitting up. “what? I told you about that. Alex it was all a joke, do you seriously think I would blatantly flirt with you when I knew you were straight? I would never do that! I just assumed you knew I was kidding, you did it as well!”. Her calm was dissipating quickly.

“hey, don’t get upset, Casey. I’m sorry I did it, I know it was wrong, I knew it as soon as it happened. And I am extremely sorry you thought I was using you or felt sorry for you. It wasn’t your fault at all, it was all me” Alex said as she tried to save the situation.

“okay. Sorry for snapping” Casey apologized.

Alex kissed red hair. “it’s okay”

They stayed quiet for a while, until Casey broke the silence.

“so, what now?” she asked the blonde.

“I have no idea… but in the meantime, want some breakfast? I’m starving”

Casey laughed. “definitely. Can I shower?”

“yeah, there’s towels in the bathroom. I’ll make some coffee”


	6. Call it what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the moment we've been waiting for

The week after went by smoothly, like nothing had happened between them. They co-chaired in a case, were assigned a few more, and had plenty of arraignments to occupy their minds with.

Next Friday, they weirdly didn’t have much work to do so they didn’t get together. Alex passed by Casey’s office to ask if she wanted to get a drink, since they were free for the evening for once, but Casey kindly declined the offer, stating she was tired and just wanted to get home. Alex, on the one hand, understood because she was tired too, but on the other hand, she wondered if the red head felt uncomfortable around her or something like that; She hadn’t shown it throughout the week but maybe she did. Instead of arguing, Alex pursed her lips and said “ok” and left the office.

It was 10pm the next Saturday and Casey was sat at home reading a book when she heard a knock on the door. She frowned; she wasn’t waiting for anyone. She got up and went to open the door. She peeped through the peephole and saw Alex’s face, which made her frown again in confusion. She opened the door.

“hey, what are you-“ she managed to get out before Alex threw her body against her own and kissed her, cupping her face with both hands. Casey froze until the kissing stopped.

“are you at least going to let me close the door?” Casey joked.

Alex laughed; her face flushed. “sorry about that” she said taking her coat off and placing it over the couch.

Casey chuckled. “it’s okay, Cabot”

Casey walked a few steps and closed the door, but when she turned around to face Alex, the blonde threw herself at her once more and pinned Casey against the door, looking her in the green eyes and breathing merely a few inches away from her.

“tell me to stop” Alex whispered.

“I see you’re very confident today” Casey smirked.

Alex shrugged. “always” she said as she closed the distance between them again. Her hands went from Casey’s shoulders to her waist, pulling the red head closer, and pushing her closer to the door with her own hips. Alex swiped Casey’s lower lips with her tongue and bit it slightly, making the red head open her mouth and deepen the kiss. Casey let out a moan in-between kisses and Alex smiled into her mouth, beginning to grind her hips against Casey’s. Casey mimicked the movement, their hips syncing. Alex grabbed Casey’s thigh and wrapped it around her, caressing it from the hip bone to the knee, as the red head wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck. She stopped kissing Casey’s lips and moved to her jaw, tracing it with her tongue until reaching the angle, and then nibbled her earlobe, causing Casey to whimper slightly and grind faster at the pressure that was building up.

Casey breathed a chocked out “fuck” and the blonde let out a laugh as she pulled her closer.

As they continued to grind against each other, Alex’s hands started fidgeting with Casey’s waistband, asking to take her pants off. They separated for a moment and Alex pulled them down, leaving Casey’s bottom half in only underwear. Alex kneeled down and looked up at the red head, who nodded before the blonde woman pulled down her panties as well. Her hands roamed through Casey’s butt cheeks as she began kissing around her bellybutton, and then making her way down to the other woman’s vulva. She swiped her tongue in Casey’s inner thigh, as the latter held Alex’s head and stroked blonde hair. Alex locked her eyes with green ones again before she started kissing Casey’s vulva, as Casey moaned and grinded her hips against the blonde’s head.

Casey tugged at blonde hair, pulling Alex closer to her pelvis, and Alex couldn’t help but moan. Her fingers separated Casey’s lips and she licked her slit, from the red head’s opening to her clit, smirking as she heard the reaction she elicited. Then, Alex started flicking her tongue softly through Casey’s clit, which made the latter tug her hair again; she was getting frustrated at how slow Alex was going. The blonde understood the gesture and wrapped her lips on the other woman’s clit, and began sucking on it.

Her hands were still on Casey’s buttocks when the red head grabbed Alex’s wrist and lead it to her opening, motioning for Alex to finger her. Alex obliged and licked 2 fingers to wet them a little (not that they needed to anyways, Casey was already very wet) before they slowly entered Casey. Once her fingers were in, she curled them inside her, back and forth, picking up a pace that got faster the more Casey reacted, grinding her hips against Alex’s face. Meanwhile, she kept her attention on Casey’s clit, alternating between sucking it and licking it.

“Alex” Casey breathed out as she tugged blonde hair again. Her knees buckled and Alex stood up, fingers still curling up inside her, and the blonde wrapped an arm around her waist, as to keep her standing. While she fingered her, Alex kissed Casey’s mouth and began trailing down her neck, leaving soft kisses until reaching Casey’s pulse point, at which point she stopped to suck on it, eventually leaving a faint mark.

“Alex” the red head breathed out yet again, her voice barely audible, and Alex was sure she wouldn’t have heard it had she not been this close to Casey. The blonde knew it was coming as she kneeled down quickly again to suck hard on Casey’s clit once more before the red head came. Alex’s left hand was luckily still grabbing Casey’s waist because otherwise, the red head was sure she would have fallen.

Alex stood up again and Casey wrapped her arms around her neck, still riding out her orgasm, and rested her chin on the blonde’s right shoulder. Alex slowly removed her fingers from Casey and wrapped both arms in the red head’s waist, pulling her closer into sort of a hug, though it was more of a support for Casey, whose knees were still malfunctioning. They stood there, still against the door, until Casey regained her breath.

“that’s not what I expected” Casey finally said.

Alex smirked, but Casey couldn’t see her because her head was still resting on the blonde’s shoulders.

“I’m full of surprises, aren’t I?” Alex teased.

“is that why you came here?”

“no” Alex laughed. “I actually came here to talk, but I saw you in your sweatpants and little ponytail and I couldn’t resist”

Casey laughed. “if I didn’t know you better, I’d think you’ve done this before” she said, referring to Alex being with a woman.

“I learned from the best” Alex smiled, remembering that Friday night. Casey chuckled.

“what did you want to talk about?” Casey said, lifting her head to meet blue eyes.

Alex pursed her lips. “it’s not important anymore”

Casey furrowed her brows questioningly but chose to simply nod in return. She sighed.

“I’m going to bed, my legs hurt” Casey said. Alex nodded and separated herself from Casey so that she could move. The red head pulled her undies and sweatpants up and looked at Alex, who was picking up her coat from the couch. “wanna come?” she asked. Alex looked at her with her eyes wide open, surprised at the proposition. She mumbled an “ok” as she put her coat back and Casey grabbed her wrist, leading her to the bedroom.

“do you want to borrow some PJs?” Casey asked her as they entered the room. “or you can sleep in underwear, I mean I’ve seen you naked already” she chuckled.

Alex laughed. “no need for PJs” she said taking her sweater off. She left the shirt on, undoing and removing her bra from under it, and she then unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs. With just the t-shirt and panties she got under the covers.

Casey took a fresh pair of underwear from her closet and headed to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. When she came out, also with just a tee and her panties, she turned the lights off and laid on her side of the bed.

“come closer” Alex whispered, looking at her and extending an arm towards her.

Casey smiled and obeyed, scooting close to Alex and resting her head on the blonde’s arm. Casey laid on her side and draped her right arm over Alex’s abdomen, and her right leg flexed over Alex’s legs. She closed her eyes.

“Casey?” the blonde said calling her.

“hmm?” she mumbled.

“I don’t think I’m straight”

“Alex, I once thought you’d make a great detective. Now I’m not so sure”

Alex chuckled. “don’t mock me, I’m new to all this. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. And I can’t believe I’m admitting that”

“relax, Alex, you don’t have to know. You’ll figure it out along the way” Casey said in a reassuring tone.

“I guess you’re right” Alex agreed. She sighed. “but what the fuck are _we_ doing?”

Casey bit her lip as she gave the question some thought before answering. “I don’t know. We’ll figure that out too”

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me your thoughts in the comments!


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